Kung Fu to the Rescue! Read online

  Monk, old buddy,” Po said, his padded panda-paws blocking Monkey’s lightning-fast blows. “You picked the wrong sparring partner!”

  Monkey broke Po’s guard with a powerful back kick. “I know!” he snickered. “But the practice dummy is in the shop!”

  “Hy-sterical!” Po smirked. Sure, the Monk-man was a jokester. But this time the joke would be on him!

  The Dragon Warrior struck a rock-steady kung-fu pose.

  Nothing could break Po’s zen-like concentration as he prepared to spar. Nothing but . . .

  “Giant rice ball!” Monkey declared.

  Giant . . . rice . . . ball? Po’s mouth watered like a feng shui fountain. Rice balls were his favorite treats. Besides noodles, dumplings, egg rolls . . .

  “What?” Po asked, whipping around.

  Monkey grabbed the waistband of Po’s pants, yanking it high.

  “Urrrrk!” Po howled. The dreaded Blazing Butt Chop was Monkey’s signature prank!

  “You fall for it every time!” Monkey laughed. “Now I’m going to take you down.”

  Suddenly—WHAM—the gate slammed open. Storming the courtyard was an angry mob of villagers led by Po’s dad, Ping!

  “Is Shifu at home?” Ping asked. “The angry mob and I must speak with him at once!”

  Po was worried. What could be ruffling his dad’s feathers? But before he could ask, Shifu, the kung-fu master, walked into the courtyard. Following him were Masters Crane, Viper, Tigress, Mantis, Monkey, and Po.

  “Shifu, you have got to do something!” Ping cried. “The Valley of Peace is being swept by a crime wave.”

  “Awesome!” Po exclaimed. Then he quickly added, “I meant . . . awesome bad.”

  Ping flapped his wings as he explained. “The thief even stole my emergency noodle fund!”

  Po gulped. The noodle shop? Now it was personal!

  “And worse,” Ping sobbed. “The thief leaves childish pranks at the scene of each crime!”

  Monkey let out an epic gasp.

  “Monkey, what’s wrong?” Po asked.

  “Um . . . nothing,” Monkey blurted.

  Shifu gave Mr. Ping a reassuring nod. “The Jade Palace will handle this—” he said.

  “Hold on, Master Shifu!” Po cut in.

  He knew there wasn’t a villain the Dragon Warrior and the Furious Five couldn’t take on. But this was more than a crime. It was a mystery.

  And mysteries—were meant to be solved!

  Po was ready for some bodacious case-cracking action. But like all detectives he needed a team. . . .

  “Tigress, you’ll be my plucky assistant!” Po said.

  Plucky? Tigress rolled her fierce golden eyes. The only thing she wanted to pluck was a hair from Po’s face!

  “The Monk-man will be my partner,” Po went on. “Like in those buddy-warrior movies.”

  “Oh, sorry, Po,” Monkey said nervously. “But I have . . . other plans.”

  “That was weird,” Mantis said as Monkey raced up the steps to the palace.

  Po thought so too. “Monkey loves playing buddy-warrior,” he said.

  As for Shifu, he wasn’t sure about Po’s sleuthing skills. But once he wasn’t sure about his kung-fu skills either so . . .

  “Mantis, Tigress,” Shifu declared. “You’ll accompany Po.”

  Sweet! Po thought.

  “You won’t regret this, Master Shifu,” Po said excitedly. “I’ll be the best sleuthy, figure-it-out guy the Jade Palace has ever seen!”

  • • •

  Detective Po was on the case. First stop, the crime scene: his dad’s noodle shop.

  “Plucky assistant, you take notes,” Po said, swinging a bamboo stick. “Substitute buddy-warrior, get ready to hold me back when I go berserk!”

  Mantis had no idea what Po was talking about. As for Tigress, she got down to business. . . .

  “Mr. Ping, how did the thief get in?” Tigress asked.

  “I guard my noodle fund very carefully,” Ping explained. “The thief broke in through the locked window.”

  Po, Tigress, and Mantis saw the window plus some needle-sharp traps on the floor.

  “He got past the booby traps!” Ping cried. “And went straight for my secret noodle-fund jar.”

  “Traps are easy to avoid,” Tigress explained. “As long as—”

  “Ow! OWIE!”

  Ping, Tigress, and Mantis turned to see Po, his paws and chin snapped in traps!

  “I’m just getting inside the head of the thief,” Po muttered. Detective work was way harder than he thought. And way more painful!

  “Hey!” Mantis called. “Check this out!”

  Po shook off the traps to see Mantis holding a patch of fur.

  “It must have come off as the thief was making his escape,” Tigress declared.

  Po knew what to do. He grabbed the fur, sniffed it, then licked it really slowly for clues.

  “Son, we’re wasting time!” Ping complained. “The thief has robbed every merchant on this street except for Wang, the grocer.”

  “Maybe that’s his next target,” Mantis said.

  “Let’s hide across the street and wait for the thief to show,” Tigress suggested.

  Po’s eyes lit up. Secretly waiting for the culprit spelled stakeout!

  “I call first watch!” Po declared. He sliced the air with a blur of kung-fu chops. “Nothing gets past the Master of Alertness!”

  But later, in the dead of night, the Master of Alertness became the Master of Snooze. . . . Working a stakeout was a lot more tiring than Po thought. His eyelids felt so heavy. . . .

  • • •

  “Po!” Tigress hissed, trying to shake him awake.

  “Not without my pants,” Po mumbled in his sleep. “Pants . . . come back!”

  “The no-pants dream again?” Mantis sighed.

  “No!” Po said wide-awake now. “Why would you think that?”

  Tigress and Mantis traded smirks. Everyone knew the no-pants dream was Po’s worst nightmare.

  “Why don’t you go splash water on your face?” Tigress suggested. “We have a long night ahead of us.”

  “Good thinking, plucky assistant.” Po smiled. He headed toward the water barrel. But as he splashed water on his face, he heard a noise!

  Grabbing his stick, Po peeked into the courtyard. All was still until he spotted a shadowy figure flitting in the dark.

  “Halt!” Po shouted, waving his bamboo.

  The figure faded from view. Until POW! Something hard slammed into Po’s face. Po guessed it was a fist.

  “Wah!” Po cried.

  He tried to strike back, but the chain of punches kept flying. Down but not out, Po stood up—only to be bombarded by a hail of apples!

  “Waaaaah!” Po yelled. As he whirled around to protect himself, he felt two hands grab the waistband of his pants and pull it up.

  “Blazing Butt Chop!” Po wailed, realizing that was Monkey’s signature move.

  “Hee-hee-hee!” Po’s attacker snickered.

  As the figure leaped onto a wall, Po noticed a mask covering his attacker’s face. Po also noticed long arms and a tail.

  Long arms and tail? Sneaky laugh? Blazing Butt Chop? Was his attacker Monkey?

  This can’t be happening!” Po said as the shadow jumped out of sight. “Monkey . . . the thief?”

  “Or is he?” came a deep voice.

  Po looked up. The voice belonged to a pair of pants floating in the air toward him. His pants!

  “Search your feelings, Po,” Pants said. “You know Monkey better than anyone and he’s no thief.”

  “You’re right,” Po said. “But it sure looked like Monkey.”

  “Who are you going to believe?” Pants demanded. �
��Your eyes or your talking pants?”

  “Is that a trick question?” Po squeaked. But after listening to Pants, Po had to agree that the attacker couldn’t be Monkey.

  As Pants vanished, Po had a scary thought. If his pants were up there . . . then . . .

  Glancing down, Po sighed with relief. He had on his pants. Now all he needed was evidence that the masked attacker with the Blazing Butt Chop was not Monkey!

  • • •

  “So you saw nothing last night?” Shifu asked later.

  “Nope!” Po blurted. “And I certainly didn’t see anyone we all know personally. Heh, heh. Heh.”

  How could Po tell anyone about the masked butt-chopper? They would only blame Monkey!

  “The only clue we found was this patch of fur,” Tigress reported.

  Shifu studied the fur in Tigress’s claw. “This looks like . . . ape fur,” he observed.

  “Apes don’t have fur.” Po forced a laugh.

  “I’m pretty sure they do,” Tigress said.

  Mantis nodded and said, “The only ape around here is—”

  “We’re wasting time,” Po said, snatching Mantis in his paw. “Let’s get some sleep!”

  “Dude,” Mantis said, “you could not be any weirder!”

  “Yeeeeah,” Po agreed.

  But later, while everyone was catching zzz’s, Po tiptoed out of his room and down the hall. This time it wasn’t for a midnight snack. Detective Po was on a fur-finding mission.

  Po stopped in front of Monkey’s door. He held up a pair of scissors and said, “Sleep little monkey. Sleep like the wind.”

  Suddenly the door was opened—by Monkey!

  “What are you doing up so late?” Monkey asked nervously.

  “Nothing!” Po said quickly. “I’m . . . just going back to my room.”

  Po waited until Monkey headed down the hall for a drink of water. He then burst into Monkey’s room to look for clues.

  The first clue Po found was a hunk of Monkey’s fur. Licking it lickety-split, Po frowned. This fur matched the piece from the noodle shop. Po was so disappointed.

  The next clue was a drawing. It looked like plans of a familiar place.

  “The grain mill,” Po said slowly. What did the grain mill have to do with Monkey?

  • • •

  The next morning the angry mob returned to the Jade Palace.

  “We know who the thief is!” Ping shouted.

  “You do?” Monkey gulped.

  “I dusted my shop with noodle powder and found these fingerprints on the curtains!” Ping said, presenting the evidence. “They clearly belong to a long-tailed, knuckle-walking monkey!”

  “Ping, are you sure?” Shifu asked.

  “Noodle powder doesn’t lie!” Ping declared.

  The angry mob inched toward Monkey. Po had to do something fast!

  “Dad, mob, wait!” Po called out. “Fine, Monkey’s fingerprints and fur were at the crime scene—”

  “Po,” Monkey cut in.

  “Sure, the thief I saw last night had a long tail and moved like a monkey,” Po added.

  “You saw the thief last night?” Tigress demanded.

  “You didn’t say anything!” Shifu scolded.

  Po kept on defending Monkey. He was a great master, warrior, and best friend, but most of all . . .

  “He’s no thief!” Po insisted. “Right, Monkey? Tell them the truth!”

  “I am the thief,” Monkey said.

  Po couldn’t believe his ears. Was Monkey going bananas, or did he just admit to being the thief?

  “Monkey, no!” Po groaned.

  “Get him!” shouted a villager. As the angry mob charged toward Monkey, the Furious Five stepped forward.

  As Monkey performed a backflip, he kicked the Furious Five out of the way. He then shot away from the palace and the mob.

  “We must pursue Monkey at once!” Shifu said.

  Just then Po remembered the grain mill.

  “I think I know where Monkey’s headed!” Po said. “Let me go alone. He’ll listen to me!”

  Shifu didn’t know whether to trust Po, especially after Po protected a thief who stole from his own father!

  “I hope Monkey listens to you,” Shifu said firmly. “Because if he doesn’t, we’ll be coming for both of you.”

  Po gulped at the not-so-bodacious thought. He then dashed out of the palace.

  When Po reached the grain mill, he peeked inside. There was the mill with its massive wheel and grinding stones. And there was Monkey—standing over a pot and counting gold coins!

  “Monkey, listen,” Po said gently. “I don’t know why you’re doing this, but I won’t let you throw away our friendship!”

  Monkey’s eyes burned through his mask at Po. Then without warning—WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! Po saw stars as Monkey riddled him with forward strikes!

  Through it all, Po grabbed Monkey’s tail. He swung Monkey around and around before swinging him onto the ground. Monkey grunted as Po sat on him with a THUMP!

  Po yanked off Monkey’s mask. But the face underneath was not Monkey’s!

  “Who are you?” Po cried.

  “He’s my brother, Wukong,” a voice replied.

  It was Monkey’s voice! Po turned to see his friend standing right behind him.

  “Your brother!” Po said, relieved. “I knew it wasn’t—Waaaaaah!!!”

  Po’s eyes rolled until he slumped to the ground. Monkey had knocked him out with a paralyzing nerve punch!

  Wukong jumped to his feet and laughed.

  “Nighty-night, panda!”

  Po opened his eyes to find his hands chained to the wall. He was happy to see Monkey until he remembered who knocked him out cold!

  “Monkey, I know he’s your brother,” Po said. “But why are you protecting this chump?”

  Monkey heaved a sigh. He told Po the story of two brothers who loved playing pranks but later chose very different paths. Monkey trained at the Jade Palace. Wukong sunk into a life of crime to become the notorious King of Thieves.

  “Our mother loved Wukong dearly,” Monkey explained, “and made me swear to protect the family.”

  That’s when Po got it. Monkey didn’t want to break his promise to his mother.

  “That’s my brother, and he may be a sap”—Wukong guffawed—“but I can always count on his protection!”

  Po gritted his teeth with rage. So that’s what this was all about: Wukong was putting the blame on Monkey!

  “You’re going down, Wukong!” Po shouted as he broke though his chains.

  “Uh-oh.” Wukong gulped. But before he could strike Po, he was blocked by the handle of a pitchfork. Holding it was Monkey!

  Po pleaded with Monkey to turn his brother in, but Monkey refused.

  “I made a vow to my mother!” Monkey shouted. He dropped the pitchfork and struck Po. Po struck back, pinning Monkey against the wall.

  “Monkey!” Po cried. “Don’t make me—”

  WHAM!

  A chop from behind knocked Po out cold.

  “Who’s the chump now, chump?” Wukong snapped.

  He took the passed-out panda and hurled him toward the mill. Monkey watched in horror as his friend landed on the conveyer belt, moving toward the perilous grinding stones!

  “Po!” Monkey cried. He tried to pull Po off, but Wukong’s combat moves made it impossible.

  “I’ve always had the moves on you,” Wukong jeered.

  “I’ve been practicing a little since then,” Monkey said, showing off his kung-fu skills.

  The fight moved on top of the wheel. As it spun, Wukong wrapped Monkey’s foot with a chain. Using his free hand, Monkey struck Wukong off the wheel. As Wukong landed on Po, Po snapped awake. Now both were riding the belt toward the perilous grinding stones!

  Monkey jumped down from the wheel. He knocked Wukong and Po out of harm’s way, only to get his chain wrapped in the grinder.

  “Monkey!” Po shouted. But before his friend could become mutilated
monkey meat, an arm appeared from above.

  “Hold on, bro!” a voice shouted.

  Po and Monkey glanced up. Hanging over the grinder by his tail was Wukong!

  Wukong grabbed Monkey’s hand, pulling him way up. Po thought the brothers were safe, until Wukong’s tail slipped, sending both tumbling toward the grinder!

  “Hi-yaaaaaa!” the Dragon Warrior cried, grabbing a nearby log and smashing the grinding stones to smithereens.

  As the mill caved in, Po snatched the brothers midair and carried them to safety. But Monkey wasn’t safe from the angry mob storming the ruins. . . .

  “There he is!” Ping shouted, pointing to Monkey.

  “He’s not the thief!” Wukong declared. “I am!”

  The surprised villagers listened as Wukong confessed. Po was proud of Wukong for taking full responsibility for the crimes.

  “There’s just one thing I’d like to say in my defense,” Wukong added.

  “What’s that?” Po asked.

  “Is that a giant rice ball?” Wukong asked.

  Rice ball? Po turned only to feel his pants being yanked up by Wukong!

  “So long losers!” The King of Thieves laughed as he scrambled away.

  “Blazing Butt Chop!” Po groaned. “I fall for it every time!”

  But yanked pants were better than no pants. And everyone in the Valley of Peace was super-proud of their Dragon Warrior. Po had stopped the crime wave and hopefully someday Wukong!

  “I hope I never see another crazy, thieving, practical-joke-playing monkey again!” Po told Monkey later as they cleaned up the mill.

  “Rice ball!” Monkey shouted.

  Po chuckled. As if he would fall for that trick again. But Monkey had more tricks up his furry sleeve. He tugged a string and—SPLAT—sticky white paint from a bucket poured all over Po!

  “Hee-hee-hee!” Monkey giggled.

  Po had to smile too. Monkey wasn’t a thief, but he would always be a prankster. And he would always be an awesomely awesome friend!